Saturday, August 28, 2010

Well, on another note altogether… It appears as if I’ve actually stopped drinking again. I don’t think it was a conscious decision or anything at this point, I just pretty much stopped. I think it was because I could feel my self control slipping more and more as the stress level increased…  Kind of amusing watching “Being Human” or any Werewolf movie/show and identifying so well with the Werewolf. It’s really frightening living with the knowledge of just how much havoc and destruction (physical and emotional) you can cause if you slip even for an instant. Henry Rollins had a quote that went along the lines of “I look at my hands and see the scars. I cannot forget what I did to get them”… Not an exact quote, but I have his books on a shelf in the basement somewhere and not in a searchable electronic format… But I think he just says it a whole lot clearer than I ever could. As time passes, I can see some of the scars starkly against the tan of the normal skin, and every time I look at that hand I remember why it is scarred and why the knuckles are ever so slightly deformed from the breaks over the years… Some are not so obvious, bones that were broken and my knee that will likely never really recover to the level of the other one. Places I’ve been and things I’ve done. Lots of stress this year, it keeps pushing me closer and closer to the edge

Anyway, I’m working on changing jobs. I’ve been at the Math Department for 8 years now I guess… It’s become something of a dead end position over the last 5. There’s been two years of pay cuts, most of the rest static or “minimal raises”. Yes, it was a big raise coming over from GSLIS, and there was one year I got another big raise, but that was a while ago. So, I guess it’s time that I got back to a “Management” position. Done that a while ago, and I have to admit that I burned out in 1994 playing Army. The life or death decisions being made on the fly are a “bit” different than the fairly trivial ones I’d have to make in an IT department. So, in order to move up and more importantly preserve my sanity, I think it is time to move on and up. I am hoping to get moved over to Atlas, the College level IT department. At the very least I’ll not be on my own there, they have a fairly complete set of skills over there, and it will make the job a whole lot easier… Failing that, I guess it is time to start sending out the resume of doom…